The Last thing I want to talk about....

The last thing I've ever wanted to do with my blog was write about how shitty I feel most of the time.


Actually I just wanted to never speak of it at all. But at this point there are a few things:

1. I am full and consumed with bitterness and hatred;
2. I have no way of forgiving anyone this is involves;
3. At 24 (3 years ago) I pretty much have accepted I may never get married or have children;
4. I am consumed with rage and hatred;
5. I stopped praying about the above because it's not getting better;

I really don't know how to get over the bitterness. Maybe I should write an open letter to that person. I'm pretty quiet and it's extremely hard for me to ever say what I feel and why I feel that way. Which makes it worse that the only person I HAVE EVER done that with and been able to do it with pretty much destroyed my life (in an emotional attachment sense).


I don't think this is the life I should live at 27. The job, the degree, the CPA candidate. Fine. This is not okay. The worst part is that I really feel like until he lives what I've had to live, and feels it, I mean really feels death and despair choking him alive, we will never be even.